"Helpful hints" on Wheaten rearing
from owner Alan Hurley

First there is the vital question of obedience. When out for a walk, your dog may rush off on a frolic of his own, even though he can hear your cry of "Biscuit! Don't panic as he disappears over the horizon, just shout 'Telly' instead. This will bring him back instantly, on the assumption that you have brought a portable T.V. and it's time for "One Man and His Dog" or "The Horse of the Year Show".

Then there is the question of visitors to the house.

Most will never get through the door, but if your mother-in-law forces her way in, try to avoid her settling in his favourite chair as he may then decide to sit on her head. In this event, a sharp cry of "pussy cat" will result in vertical take-off, causing only superficial injuries, and without dislodging her hat.

Try to avoid him making friends with the Milkman, and introduce him to the Postman instead. Shredded paper is both quieter and safer than broken glass.

Your dog will love helping you in the garden, especially with the weeding. He either lies              beside you, hiding the next weed and at the same                   time systematically emptying the bucket you are                      filling, or checks up after you, digging up                            any flowers which you have carefully                      preserved. My advice is not to do any gardening at all.

A Wheaten will follow you to the ends of the earth, especially around the house, and when you come downstairs, will try to be both behind and in front of you at the same time. To avoid being tripped, start slowly and accelerate rapidly towards the end like Sebastian Coe.

People have asked what characteristic most distinguishes the Wheaten from other breeds. The answer is that it is the only canine floor polisher. Approach your Wheaten when he is resting in a remote corner, and invite him to retire for the night. He will roll onto his back and convert himself into a floppy, shapeless mass. In this state he cannot be lifted, but can be slid from one part of the house to another, thus producing gleaming woodwork. This is why he is known as the "Old Buffer". With a Wheaten in the house, you need never again fear the knock of the Kleeneze man.

Wheatens enjoy good food, especially if it is yours rather than theirs. If your dog accidentally eats an entire Camembert, open all the windows for a day or two, or better still, send him to your Mother-in-law for the duration, but above all avoid naked lights!

One final tip - don't waste your time trying to photograph him. By the time you've adjusted the focus for distance, the only thing in the picture will be a big black nose.

Inevitably there are some aspects of life with a Wheaten for which no helpful hints can be offered. Maybe yours too is a household in which there is no handle on any of the shopping baskets, all plastic containers have been turned into sieves, the wastepaper bins are kept on top of the furniture, the garden is full of brushes and brooms and the house full of branches and twigs, and no one can ever find a pair of matching socks.

But never mind, remember it's all worthwhile for the sheer fun of being owned by a beautiful, mischievous Wheaten!